The Awesomest Valentine's Day Ever!
by Jackson Hanning
Summary: Gilbert is determined to give Liz the best Valentine's Day ever. Not wanting it to be like his past, less-than-spectacular attempts at the holiday, Gilbert accepts the help of a few friends to ensure he gives his girlfriend the awesomest Valentine's Day ever.


_February 11, 2013_  
_8:52am_

"It's gonna be awesome, Liz, I swear."

"You do plenty of that already, Gilbert. I'm just going to..._ trust you_... on this one."

"Why do you make it sound so painful?"

"Because in my head, I'm replaying the last three Valentine's Days we've spent together. Every year you tell me, quote, 'It's gonna be awesome, Liz. I swear.' Unquote."

Gilbert frowned at his girlfriend as she made quotey fingers around her head. "Are you saying past Valentine's Days with me have not been _awesome_?"

"That's pretty much what I'm saying, Gil."

Gilbert frowned harder. "Well then. I'm just going to have to prove you wrong."

Liz rolled her eyes. "You do that, Gilbert. I'll talk to you tonight." The brunette gave her boyfriend a quick kiss on the lips and disappeared into the building. She didn't expect any spectacularly romantic Valentine's Day. She didn't even really want one. Being thoughtful wasn't Gilbert's forte. Yet she stuck with him. She figured that would tell him all he needed to know. She clocked in at work and quickly forgot the entire conversation.

Gilbert, however, remained on the sidewalk a few moments longer, face screwed into a frown and his hands shoved deep into his pockets. "Well, Lizzy. If you want an awesome Valentine's Day, then I'm gonna give you the most fucking _awesome_ Valentine's Day you've ever had," he muttered under his breath, finally moving from his spot on the sidewalk and practically shoving through the other pedestrians filling the street.

_February 11, 2013_  
_11:45am_

Gilbert stood scowling in an aisle of the department store that was practically dripping "stupid lovey-dovey shit" as Gilbert so eloquently put it. Nothing in this aisle was awesome enough for what he wanted to give Liz. It was all flowers and candy and pink and red and _gak_. He felt his manhood shrinking every moment he lingered. He couldn't let _that_ happen.

"Like, oh my god. Like, Gilbert, is that you?"

Gilbert tore his gaze from the massive explosion of Valentine's color and saw Feliks Łukasiewicz staring at him. Gilbert raised one eyebrow at the cross-dressing blonde. "'Sup, Feliks?"

"Like, what are you staring at?"

"Huh? Oh. I'm trying to find something awesome for Lizzy for Valentine's Day."

Feliks' face split into a grin. "You, like, totally don't know what you're doing, do you?"

Gilbert frowned. "I know what I'm doing! I'm doing the most awesome Valentine's shit ever!"

"And, like, what does that mean?" Feliks' green eyes held a triumphant smirk.

Gilbert glared. "So what if I haven't gotten that far? I've got a week."

Feliks rolled his eyes. "You, like, don't know _anything_ about Valentine's Day, do you? If you want something 'awesome'" (here he used the same quotey fingers as Liz, ticking Gilbert off to no end) "like you're always, like, bitching about, then you, like, totally have to make your plans, like, at _least_ two weeks in advance. Otherwise all the good stuff is, like, totally gone."

Gilbert's frown remained firmly in place as Feliks shifted his feet, resting one hand on his cocked hip, shopping basket dangling from his opposite arm. "You could probably, like, scrap something decent together if you act fast. But you'll, like, totally need my help."

Feliks was met by a dead-pan stare. He rolled his eyes and flipped his silky blonde hair over his shoulder. "Like, stop begging, Beilschmidt. I'll totally help you, because, like, Lizzy is my friend. She deserves, like, a really great Valentine's Day. So even though she's, like, got a crappy-ass boyfriend who doesn't have, like, a single romantic bone in his body, I'll make sure you don't, like, fuck it up royally. Okay?"

Gilbert's brain was still sorting through the teenaged girl speak as Feliks grabbed him by the arm and started dragging him through the store, spouting off random crap about flowers, chocolate, dinner, and the Poland Rule. Gilbert wasn't paying attention.

_February 12, 2013_  
_4:49pm_

Liz sighed and checked her phone again. "Damn it, Gil. Why won't you call me back?"

Drumming her fingers on her desk, she glanced at the clock and heaved a sigh. Ten minutes until she got off work. Then she would drive to Gilbert's apartment and figure out why he'd been avoiding her the last two days. Lizzy watched the _seconds_ tick past and finally decided to clock out a few minutes early. She wasn't getting anything done anyway, and she was sure she could talk her way out of trouble if her boss got irritated. Just as she had gathered her coat, her cell phone rang. She dropped everything to answer.

"_Hey babe. Sorry I missed your call._"

"It's okay," Liz lied. She was more than a little put out that he seemed to be avoiding her. But at least he'd called back. She'd give him one more shot. "I was just calling to see if you were coming over tonight."

_"Aww, Liz, I can't! It's Toni's birthday! Francis and I are taking him out for an awesome celebration."_

Liz rolled her eyes. "Every other weekend is Toni's 'birthday', Gilbert. You should really find a more creative excuse for getting smashed."

_"But Liz. Today is actually his birthday. His real one. We're making it super awesome for the occasion."_

"His _real_ birthday?" Liz was still skeptical.

_"Yes, Lizzy, his real birthday. I'll totally get him to pull out his birth certificate if you need."_

Liz sighed. "I believe you. Fine. I just... I miss you, Gilbert. We've barely seen each other this week."

_"I'm sorry, babe. I got really busy."_

"So you said."

_"But we're hanging out Thursday for sure. Got it? Clear your calendar because the awesomest Valentine's Day ever is headed straight for you."_

Liz chuckled softly. "Sure Gilbert. I look forward to it."

_"Oh, shit, I gotta go, Liz. Francis is here. We're going to kidnap Toni!"_

"All right. I love you, Gilbert."

_"Back at'cha, Liz,"_ he replied hurridly, before calling out something to Francis as he ended the call.

_February 12, 2013_  
_9:32pm_

"Do you _chers_ have plans for Valentine's Day?" Francis asked randomly, smirking over his wine glass.

"Fuck yeah!" Gilbert declared with a loud belch, slamming his beer mug onto the countertop. "I'm giving Lizzy the awesomest Valentine's Day ever!"

"Lovi and I are staying in," said the Spanish birthday boy with a giggle. "What about you, Francis? Plans with..." Antonio paused for a moment, grasping at the name that was just on the tip of his tongue.

"Matthew," Francis supplied smoothly. "And of course. When have I ever passed up the chance to make romantic _l'amour_? _Mon petite_ Matthieu is such an adorable little _ange_ when I make incredibly romantic plans. I could never pass up the chance to see such a sight."

"Yeah, yeah, he's getting laid. We're all getting laid on Valentine's."

Francis rolled his eyes. "I would not be so presumptuous, _Gilbert._ Elizaveta, I am sure, would not hesitate to deprive you of sex if you, shall we say, give her a Valentine's Day like one of the last three you've given her?"

Gilbert scowled. "Why does everyone keep implying that my past Valentine's Day plans have not been awesome? I made them, that means by default, they are awesome!" Gilbert slumped in his stool. "It doesn't matter. I screwed up again this year, too."

"What? You said it was going to be awesome!" Toni glanced over at his friend in surprise.

"Yeah, but it's not. Feliks says I waited too long."

"Feliks?" Francis scoffed. "You asked _Feliks Łukasiewicz_ for romantic advice? _Mon dieu_, Gilbert, if you needed help, you have _moi_ on speed dial!"

"Well, Feliks was in the store and I didn't even ask for his help. He just kinda... figured out that I needed it." Gilbert suddenly found the grain of the wood on the bar top absolutely fascinating.

Francis laughed airily. "That Polish airhead may have a terrific fashion sense, but he has no tact! No flair for the romantic! Taking his advice could prove detrimental to your relationship with Eliza, Gilbert. Quick! Let's see if we can remedy this. Tell me what Feliks told you."

"_Gott_, Franny, I can't! He talks like a fucking valley girl, I can't understand half the shit he's sayin'. He just hooked me up with some candy and flowers and some really cheesy card. I figured he's gay enough to know what she'd like."

Francis looked absolutely exasperated. "Gilbert, Feliks may be very in touch with his feminine side, but your girlfriend is _not_."

"Huh?"

"Gilbert, what was the last time you saw Elizaveta wear a dress?"

"When she was still dating that pussy musician."

"Mm-hmm. And when was the last time she went shopping for recreation."

"I dunno. A few weeks ago with the banker's kid sister."

"Look, Gilbert, I think what Francis is saying is that Lizzy's a girl, but she's not a girl."

"Toni, stop. You're drunk. Francis, _what_?"

"Listen, Gilbert. You know as well as I do – even better! – that Eliza isn't into all that pink, glittery, overly feminine stuff that Feliks is into. She is simple. Classy – most of the time. She may have grown out of her tomboy stage, but it is still fully imbred in her personality. She won't be impressed by whatever _Feliks_ chose."

"_Verdaaaaaaaamt,_" Gilbert groaned. "Francis, you've gotta save me. I can't screw up this Valentine's Day. I _can't_."

"All right, _cher_. Calm down. Here is what you do..."

_February 14, 2013_  
_5:01pm_

Liz stepped out of her office building to find a grinning Gilbert waiting. Glad to see him, she smiled and quickly moved closer to give him a kiss. "Hey there."

"Hallo, Lizzy. Happy Valentine's Day."

"Happy Valentine's Day. Are we doing something awesome?"

Gilbert scoffed. "Of course, Liz. You're with me. Something awesome always happens when I'm around. Just being around me is awesome."

Liz rolled her eyes, but smiled anyway. She knew from the start that Gilbert was a touch self-absorbed, and that he was hopeless when it came to any attempts at being romantic. She really wasn't hoping for anything but his company that Valentine's night. Then again, this was Gilbert. With Gilbert, it is wise to expect the unexpected.

Gilbert opened the car door and let Liz climb in before shutting it firmly and walking around to the driver's side. Liz stole Gilbert's right hand as they pulled out of the parking lot and wove her fingers into his. "So what's up?"

"We're going to my place," Gilbert said with a cheeky grin. Liz rolled her eyes.

"So you decided to screw any typical Valentine's Day norms and go straight to the sex?"

"Well, we could do that if you want. But then all my planning would go to waste. And my time is way too awesome to waste. So I think we're gonna have to stick to my plan."

Liz arched an eyebrow in surprise. "You have a plan?"

"Sure I do! Just you watch and see."

_February 14, 2013_  
_5:17pm_

Liz could smell the garlic from outside as Gilbert unlocked the door to his apartment and ushered her inside. She turned to him in surprise as he hung up their coats. "You cooked?"

"I did," Gilbert said proudly, omitting the fact that Antonio and Lovino had been here for two hours this afternoon, helping him. Mostly Lovino. Antonio just ate the tomatoes and cooed over Lovino's butt.

"Impressive. And it isn't sausage!"

"I can cook more than just wurst, Liz."

"Then why don't you?"

"Because I like wurst. Now do you want to eat or not?"

Liz smiled and allowed Gilbert to pull her chair out for her. "Who helped you set the table?" she asked casually, observing the formal wear. "I didn't even know you owned this much silverware."

"It's Francis' stuff," Gilbert said flippantly. He uncovered a few dishes and soon their meal was before them, complete with champagne flutes full of beer – Gilbert had been unmoving on a few points. Liz had to admit that this was the closest thing to romantic Gilbert had ever done for her before. She knew he must have had help, but enjoyed the idea that he wanted to make this special none the less.

"I really like the glittering heart balloons and confetti littering the hallway," Liz noted at one point, a small smirk on her face.

Gilbert's face went a little red. "Oh. Yeah."

"Feliks?"

"How'd you know?"

"He's the only person I know who likes pink glitter that much. Even at Valentine's Day."

Gilbert shrugged and kept eating. Liz sat down her fork and took a dainty sip of beer before grinning at Gilbert. After a few moments of this, he finally sat up straighter. "What?"

"I love you."

"Okay..."

"Thank you for this."

"Sure."

"No, really. I know you're not very good at doing romantic things. You're way too awesome for that." Gilbert noted that she said this last part without any sarcasm present. He smiled a little as she went on. "This was really thoughtful, though. And while I could imagine and have been in situations far more romantic than this one... I like this better. Because I'm with you."

Gilbert grinned. "Wow. You really want to skip straight to sex, don't you?"

Liz laughed. "Let's finish dinner first. And I assume you have dessert as well?"

"I got two. I got chocolate cake that you eat off a plate, and I got whipped cream that you eat off my-"

"Let's stick with the cake for right now, Gil." Liz smirked a little before adding "We'll save the whipped cream for later."

Gil drained his champagne flute and skipped the refill, lifting the bottle straight to his lips. "Whaddaya think, Liz? Decent Valentine's day, then?"

"Oh, Gilbert," Liz said, her face completely serious, but her eyes sparking with mirth. "It's the awesomest Valentine's Day ever."

* * *

_**I am so sorry you read that. Not my finest work, I'll admit.**_

_**Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day! This oneshot was written for my Virtual Valentine, SarahTonin. I gotta go read the one she wrote for me now. :D**_

_**-Jack**_


End file.
